"And like any other property, he guards it, protects it, even loves it." "In patriarchy, a father owns a girl's sexuality," notes psychologist and feminist author Carol Gilligan, Ph.D. The roles are clear: Dad is the only man in a girl's life until her husband arrives, a lifestyle straight out of biblical times. In fact, in the parlance of the purity ball folks, one-on-one time with dad is a "date," and the only sanctioned one a girl can have until she is "courted" by a man. The older girls at the Broadmoor tonight are themselves curvaceous and sexy in backless dresses and artful makeup next to their fathers, some look disconcertingly like wives. Roam the Internet and you'll find a $250 14-karat pearl-and-diamond purity ring for $15, you can buy a red baby-doll T-shirt with I'm Waiting' emblazoned on the chest, its snug fit sending a bit of a mixed message. While the Wilsons make no money from their ball, a cottage industry for accessories has sprung up. Today, South Dakota's Abstinence Clearinghouse-a major association of the purity movement-sends out about 700 "Purity Ball Planner" booklets a year (tips include printing out the vows on "beautiful paper" and serving wedding cake for dessert). That first ball got some positive local and Christian press, as well as inquiries from people in 21 states interested in throwing their own.
"I believe if girls feel beautiful and cherished by their fathers, they don't go looking for love from random guys." "Looking back, it's a miracle I remained pure," she says. Lisa's own father left her family when she was two, and despite a kind stepfather, she says, she grew up not feeling valued or understood. "We wanted to set a standard of dignity and honor for the way the girls should be treated by the men in their lives," says Lisa, a warm, exuberant woman with a ready smile and seven children, ages 4 to 22.
The first purity ball, with all its queen-for-a-day allure, was thrown in 1998 by Wilson, now 48, and his wife, Lisa, 47 the two run Generations of Light, a popular Christian ministry in Colorado Springs. Silver Ring Thing, a national abstinence group for teens, has an active MySpace page filled with comments like this from "Brianna": "I vowed to stay a virgin till marriage two years ago and it's been a long tough road…but it gets a lil' easier everyday."
PURITY BALL PROFESSIONAL
There are Christian rock concerts where attendees sign pledges, sites like /thevirginclub that list stars who have held off on sex until marriage (Jessica Simpson, divorce notwithstanding, is one of their patron saints), and supportive bloggers ( features one called "The Professional Virgin"). The movement's latest mission is to make abstinence cool (it's been called "chastity chic").
Today, all but a few states use government money for classes that basically warn against any sexual activity outside of marriage. In 1996, after lobbying by the religious right, Congress allocated nearly half a billion dollars for public schools nationwide to adopt sex ed programs that advocate abstinence only. Recently, though, protecting girls' virginity has become a national, not just familial, concern.
"Keep your flower safe!" a good friend's dad used to tell her when we were in college, and we'd laugh-both because it was too late for her virginity and because there was something distasteful to us about his trying to control her sex life. Question is, is putting girls' purity on a pedestal the way to achieve these all-important goals?įathers who are protective of their daughters' virginity are nothing new. The same goes for dad-daughter bonding research shows that girls who have solid relationships with their fathers are more likely to grow up to be confident, self-respecting, successful women and to make wise choices along the way. Encouraging girls to avoid sleeping around is, without a doubt, a good thing.
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